Impostor Syndrome in Semester 2

The weighted silence between the last post and this one is largely a result of the hustle of activity in balancing, finally, my life here in London and packing off the life that I knew and was comfortable in. And in the process of doing so, falling into the trap I had clearly didn't know existed. 

I am writing this sitting next to a giant window, running from the floor level right up to the fourth floor of the PSH building. Waiting to meet my dissertation mentor on the third floor, on a rather windy day. 

And now, I am in the secluded area of the Thirty Five cafe, waiting for Moon and Sena to complete their sessions so that we can all meet for coffee. It will be followed by a seminar. i am currently actively avoiding all the previous 'friends' i made in London, which is no easy task. Not because they are bad people, I must add. We just look at life differently and the judgmental and scornful looks are something I do not feel the need to deal with at this stage. The fact that i need to constantly pen down, to a degree of appropriateness, speaks so much about the impostor syndrome. 

The Impostor Syndrome is when one doesn't feel qualified or able to accept the validation the world has to offer. That's me! despite everything I have lived through and overcome to be where I stand today, I am constantly looking for an external agency to validate my actions and words. Every naturally occurring thought and action is obviously wrong to me. I need to be told that I am doing well or okay. This may sound terribly exhausting for the people around me but trust me when I say, it is even more exhausting to live this way. Unfortunately, i did not really know that an alternative existed. 

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